"You can take a picture, of something you see..."

Chris Martin is the lead singer of the band Coldplay. He appears to be a scruffy, grubby, skinny Englishman. I bet he reaks of cigarettes and has stained teeth. I bet he is completely self absorbed and so into his music that he would lock himself in a room for days and live on just his cigarettes and coffee while writing music. I bet he would ignore his wife Gwyneth Paltrow or their baby Apple, at the whim of a new idea for a song. I bet he hates Americans and detests our country. I bet he is extremely loyal to the queen and when he gets drunk in a pub he rallys around, stumbling with his ale crying out chants about England with his chums. I bet he smells and does not regularly wash himself OR his clothes.

But yet, everytime I hear a Coldplay song I fall completely head over heels in love with him.

I love every song by Coldplay. Yellow, CLOCKS, Politik, the Scientist, Trouble, Speed of Sound, TALK, etc.etc.... They are all so moving and beautiful. Have you ever watched a movie that had a song playing in the backround that totally captivated the mood, so much so that everytime you hear it you experience the same feelings you had while watching the movie? Examples- The Story of Us; the song playing while Michelle Pfieffer was flashing back through all of the good/bad times in her marriage with Bruce-"CHOW FUN"S!" How about Jerry Mcquire-the song playing when "you had me at hello..." WELL, everytime I hear a Coldplay song it is my own little movie song of my life. I can listen to a Coldplay song and experience a fury of memories rapidly flowing through my mind. I can experience a roller coaster ride of emotions. I have never seen them live but hope to someday. My youngest daughter experienced the Coldplay sound in utero-I would hold up headphones to my belly while playing Clocks-she would jump around and turn all over the place. I swear, when I play that song today she dances around and I just KNOW she remembers. I love their music and hope anyone reading this that is not a fan or has never really LISTENED to their music will pick up their new CD, or even just listen to one of their songs on the radio. I hope they can make you feel like they make me feel. They are truly amazing !!

Is it ok to snoop through your child's notes, etc?

Ask me fifteen years ago....

If my mom ever snooped on me I would never forgive her. I have installed a lock on my door that only I have the key to. That keeps my mom and brother out. It's none of their business what is in my room or my journals. It's my life-not theirs. It's not like I am getting into trouble or anything. I have never been in trouble with the police and I am getting good grades. It's not her business what I am doing.


Ask me three years ago....

I think moms that snoop on their kids are horrible. They are invading the child's rights. The child has a right to have their own privacy and outlet to express themselves. Journals are a person's most intimate and private thoughts. A parent doesn't have the right to go through it, it's just like invading their minds. Besides, most of the times kids will embellish the details!


Ask me now......

It is almost a necessity to do this. When you are raising a preteen or teen, no matter how good your relationship was or you believe it is now, you probably don't know HALF of the truth. To snoop through your child's things is not right, but as a parent you want to protect your child. If you feel like your child is hiding something, or has new friends you are unsure of, etc...you need to find out. Of course snooping is a last resort. It's important to talk to your child openly, and remind them they can always talk to you. Sure sometimes you might not want to hear what they have to say and it might make you angry, but they need to know you are the person that will always be there for them NO MATTER WHAT.
If you snoop on your child remember a few things:
1.Sometimes kids embellish their stories.
If they are writing that they were at Andy's house at 11:00 last night and you know FOR SURE they were at home because you saw them, it's not true so don't worry.
2.Whatever you find could be inadmissible evidence.
If you find a note that has swearing in, you can't necessarily bring it out and reprimand them for it. You can have a discussion about swearing and talk about why it is wrong and ask them if they or anyone they know does it. (Or you can just say you were cleaning and found the note.)
3.Last but most importantly...
snooping will forever change your relationship and you will see your child in a whole different way. You may find things that disappoint you so much, it will hurt to even look at your child. You will be uncovering their most intimate thoughts and ideas-good and bad. You will be seeing them as their friends do, the way they interact with other kids.

IN CONCLUSION!...
Do I encourage it? No not really. Do I wish I had never done it or don't do it? Yes sometimes. But unfortunately as a single mother with no "male disciplinarian" in her I life it is almost an undesired need. I am a good mother. I talk to the parents of her friends. I talk to her teachers and get involved in school activities. We eat dinner every single night at the table as a family. I set forth rules and expectations and follow up to ensure they are met. I tell my children I love them at LEAST 2x a day. I am open and I put my kids first before EVERYTHING,including myself. It is a terrifying world out there and to try to raise children to become good people you need to know what is going on. My daughter used to talk to me always, now if I ask more than 2 questions in a row she has a fit and is completely defensive. This is a way for me to "keep tabs" on her. Raising kids is hard and if your really thing about what it is you are doing it could be overwhelming and frightening. You are molding and creating this person and their future. Of course your child will develop on their own as well and grow into their own person, but things you do today can impact your child's life forever! SCARY STUFF

Do evil stepmothers really exist???

My answer is definately yes!! Especially the stepmother-stepdaughter relations. She will always be jealous of ANY woman in the father's life-daughter, GRANDDAUGHTERS, mother, etc. Especially if the father has a history of being a cheater in his past relationships. Especially if his ex-wife who is an extremely beautiful person inside and out, still tries to maintain a relationship with him. Even if the relationship is only about their son how he is facing jailtime, and their daughter who is caring for the grandma.
My stepmother is completely jealous, completely self-absorbed, and completely a bitch. We started out with an ok relationship, but once she got the ring she didn't need to be nice to me OR my kids anymore. She has Thanksgiving and Easter and Christmas dinners and doesn't even invite us...we live 5 MIN AWAY! Whenever I go to the house to visit my dad she has to be right on top of us and won't let my 22mo NEAR her NEW 4 mo old grandson's toys!! She has 1 thing she can play with over there and can't even walk around anywhere-just sit. Sunday I puked every 20 min for 9 hrs-I could not watch my kids, I thought I was gonna pass out and even prepped my 12 yr old of what to do in case I did. I called HER and my dad to come over for help. Could they?? No they were working at the EAGLES STEAK FRY, plus ,"Well Melanie you KNOW we play cards on Sunday night!" Yeah it's his fault too but he claims he didn't realize how sick I was but SHE knew because I told her!!! PLUS yesterday SHE was supposed to pick up my 12 yr old from school because my dad couldn't and she thought she didn't have to or forgot...even though I SPECIFICALLY called her Tues to reminder her! When my daughter tried to call her after waiting in the 20 degree weather for 20min she didn't answer her phone. GOD FORBID if that woulda been her kids or GRANDKID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is STILL hope!

I am a dreamer. I always have been. I dream of a better life, appearance, and "what could be." I love to sleep because that's when my dreams can become a semi-reality for me. I play the lottery and even wait a few weeks to check my tickets so I can hang on to the slight possibility that they are life changing winners. My life has been tough, definitely not as tough as it could be and I am thankful for that, but still tough. I know what it's like to grow up with in a single parent household, and to be a "latchkey kid." Now I even know what it's like to be a single parent trying to make it. It is definitely a struggle, especially without a college education and the guidance I really needed to make me understand that the life you lead as a teenager will directly affect the life you will lead as an adult AND even the life or livelihood of your children. It was all these things that led me to my ultimate dream if I ever won the lottery.
Of course the money would directly impact myself, my children and my family and friends, but I would love to do more with it. My dream is to open a 40,000 square foot+(think of Walmart size) non-profit teen center. This would be for ages 10-17 and would be free for all families. It would be completely secure and the only way to get in would be to have a key card. The only way to get a key card would be for the family to go through a screening or interview. This center would be similar to the Y, it would have a pool and offer activites and classes, but it would be so much more. We would offer homework tutors, food,counseling, and peer pressure assistance. We would help with college prep and offer scholarships to those that qualify.
We would offer even positions to older teens so they can make some money, and provide help with managing your money for everyone.
I would love to also have a skatepark on site, as well as gaming tables and free vending machines. This facility would NOT be a babysitting facility, and that would be understood in the screening process-the teens would be free to come and go as they pleased. Of course there would be a security/disciplinary dept-and there would be NO TOLERANCE for drinking, drugs, or sex. This would not cause them to be ejected from the program, but hopefully with the aid of the police dept, be cause for more counseling and peer pressure guidance, and with consent of the parent-sex education. The breaking of the NO TOLERANCE policy would also lead to a suspension of SOME of the activities available to the individual. But mostly I feel this would be a place to go for teens that they can hang out, be safe, and get things that they need but may not be getting at home. I feel this could inspire and possibly change some lives, I am totally committed and one day it will be a reality!

CHANGE THE WORLD

Today is the day!!! Remember to vote. Not only is it exercising your rights, but you owe it yourself AND those of us that are voting as well!! We need you. I voted and there was actually some candidates at the poll place. One candidate running for school board asked me to vote for him. I asked him why, what did he want to do for the schools and how would he do it? He answered my questions and actually swayed my vote!!
I think I'm done lecturing now

The Ugly Truth

I wanted to write this series because after my Sept posts about Leith I had several of you ask me why we would break up and say maybe or hopefully we would get back together. I don't know for sure if he has completely changed. What I know of him now-he has. But I really don't know for sure. This is the finale of this series...

He had complete control of me, and starting year 3 into the relationship, I didn't really exist anymore. I didn't hang out with my friends, I didn't really do anything but center my life around Leith. He had the final say in what I did or when. He was cheating on me, I knew it. I cheated back with 1 of his friends, he knew it. We would break up, get back together, break up, ...One time he and I were broken up and he was dating and EX friend of mine. There were times they would be on the phone and I would be right next to him in his room while he tried to get her off the phone. On Valentine's day 1993, 2 weeks after we found out I was pregnant, we went to lunch. He hurried the meal, I thought he had a surprise for me and wanted to get me back to his house.(a ring??) He did want to get me back to his house but only so he could go out with AMY, this girl he asked out!!!!!??????????
We had a HUGE screaming match and fight. I hit him repeatedly and he could do nothing to me because I ws pregnant. He picked me up and threw me into the house, slamming the door after him and screeching his tires.
But that wasn't even the most hurtful of all...
Hattie was a quiet girl from a small town in Ohio that moved to Naples. I worked with her in the summer and became her 1st friend. I introduced her to all of my friends, even though she really didn't fit in she would occassionally hang out with us. I don't know how but one day after knowing her for 3 yrs she and Leith were "hanging out". This was like March 1993. They started a VERY serious relationship VERY quickly. I was kinda out of the picture after the V-day thing-so I really wasn't an obstacle, or was I?? I started dating a boy named Jake that I worked with.(Hattie and I didn't work together anymore)Jake was Italian, gorgeous, funny, smart, and really wrapped up over me. He was not my regular type, he wasn't a skater but was an athlete in hs, he was not into the kind of music I was, but we really clicked. He took me out all the time, paid, called me, respected me, and just treated me better than I had ever been treated. He knew all about Leith and the pregnancy-we had worked together for a while. Things were going great...
Leith found out about Jake and threw a FIT. He called me constantly, tried to get back together promising to give me the family our baby needed, etc etc all while Hattie was still in the picture. He offerred to go to the doctor with me and that's when he wormed his way back into the picture. Little by little I was with Jake less and Leith more, the same with Leith for Hattie. I found out that Hattie was pregant too. Leith forced her to end it, promising he'd stay with her not me. She believed him and after he told her it was over, or was it? I had ened things with Jake completely, he hated me. I thought things were going good with Leith but Hattie would just show up where we were. At first I thought she was a stalker(she was) but later I realized that they still "hung out".This went on and on with stops and starts through my pregnancy and months after the birth of my baby. We started to fight over him, who got to take him to work, who got to pick him up, etc. One night she was outside his house and I flipped. I hid in the bushes with his mother and watched them talking. Something snapped and I just ran and screamed to the car. I punched her in the face and ended up with a chunk of her hair. I took off and Leith started screaming at her. He and I talked, and planned to go to our friend Shane's house the next night. We showed up and there was Hattie...with TWO black eyes-1 from me and 1 from Leith. She still always managed to be there. After my daughter was 5 mo old I ended it with Leith. He didn't care so I didn't either. I didn't talk to him, or see him. He threatened to slice my throat open when I said I was going to take him for child support. I got a restraining order. He and Hattie were free of me. (A little while later is when Shannon moved in with me-see last post) A few months went by and I saw him. We flirted and he told me he wanted me back. He told me Hattie was out of the picture. At this point I had made up my mind I was moving to Ohio. To get away from HIM, the drama with my roommate and her boyfriend(later), my brohter had already moved there and liked it, and to just get away from the insanity that I thought was Naples. We hung out and talked regularly. At this point I knew he really was only seeing me. He moved in with me. Things were pretty good and Leith decided he wanted to move with me. I said ok and we planned it out. My brother came back to help drive a moving truck also. It was about 1 week until we planned on moving and Leith told me Hattie called him at work. She eat lunch with him. He said she was suicidal, kicked out of her house with nowhere to go, and was anorexic. She weighed about 85 pounds. I had no sympathy-I didn't care and I told him he could not talk to her. A few nights later she showed up at our door crying. He asked me if she could sleep on our floor. I said HELL NO!!! He said than they would sleep in his van. That was basically it. She manipulated her way back in, he let her and blew me off. He told me 2 days before we were to leave for Ohio that he wasn't going. I was completely devastated.

This relationship really messed me up. I will always remember what he did to me and how I felt, even if we were only teenagers. Teen years are scary times and even more so now. If you work with kids or are a parent-let them know you are there for them and PAY ATTENTION. They need you! My mom was there for me to a point. Even as close as we are today , I could NEVER tell her the WHOLE story.

"CAUTION-Cocoa may be HOT!"part III

Our relationship progressed as time went on, eventually the chart was no more. It was a roller coaster ride for sure. If you knew Leith (even today) you'd know he was ALWAYS smiling and making you laugh. He was always happy go lucky and the life of the party. So does that mean he never got upset or mad...? OH NO! That was saved for me usually. He had (has??) this dark side that was so sinister and scary! He could just switch-instantly. I saw him kick two HUGE black guys' asses at the same time, and Leith is only 5'6" and was 150# maybe. He used to work out daily with this kung fu wooden dummy thing for hours at a time. He wrapped thick rope around a tree at his house and hit and kicked it everyday until his hands and feet bled. He said it was to protect him from getting cut in fights. SO-I was usually where he took out all his anger on. He would slap me, punch me, push me into things, scream at me, and basically rough me up.
As time went on I was getting sick of it, but I still loved him. I constantly had guys asking me out or whatever, even his best friends tried to hook up with me. There was this new guy named Shannon that moved in to the apartment building next to us. He was friends with my brother, I thought he was a creepy old (34!) year old guy. One day I was walking out of my room to the kitchen and I was in my underwear. I heard, "Don't you know you shouldn't walk around half naked? You never know if you might have company." in a cute southern drawl. I was so embarrassed. It was Shannon, he was hot! It turns out he was my exact age too! As time went on we became friends and he constantly tried to get me away from Leith.
SO- one night Leith and I were at his house, fighting as usual. I don't even know why. It got heated as usual and I threw my keys at him as hard as I could. They stabbed him in his foot, and he was bleeding. My heart sank as I did it, not because i was afraid of hurting him, but because i was afraid of the retaliation. He was drinking a cup of HOT cocoa and threw it at me. I screamed, it scolded me. I was drenched head to toe. He immediately picked me up and ran me into the bathroom where he locked the door. I was scared and I told him I was leaving. He wouldn't let me out and threatened if I screamed he'd beat my ass. Somehow after an hr or so of him trying to calm me down he said he'd open the door if I promised to go into his room and clean up. I said ok and as soon as he opened the door i booked it. I ran home because I didn't have my car or something. I knew that if I went home he'd follow, so I went to Shannon's house.
I knocked on the door and was still drenched with cocoa. He immediately let me in and helped clean me up. He gave me a shirt of his to wear. He let me just vent and cry and held me and comforted me. At that time we saw it, I knew something would happen. We saw Leith ride his bike up to my apartment, I guess his dad took his car for some reason. Leith was talking to my bro and we saw them look up at Shannon's apartment. Leith stood under the balcony and screamed for me to get down there. He yelled that if I didn't get down there he'd come up and kill Shannon. Even though Shannon was like 5'9" and 170# or so, I was scared that Leith WOULD/COULD do it! I eventually went downstairs and left back to my house with Leith. I was so entrapped!
SIDENOTE***Years later, Shannon and I lived together. He mooched off of me so bad and was really wrapped up in drugs. He wound up cheating on me with Leith's sister's best friend, who was a 250# whore bitch. But I'm not still bitter!!

No Wonder part II

After the smack, things calmed down. He apologized and things got better. I fell into a comfort zone, I guess that's why I didn't see the next thing coming. One day I went over to his house and he had a surprise for me. It was a scale and a clipboard that was written on-"Melanie's Weight." he told me from now on every day he would weigh me and write my weight on the chart. If I started gaining weight, I would have to leave and couldn't come over until I lost the weight. If I didn't gain weight I could stay. If I lost weight we could go out somewhere in public. I only weighed 125# at the time, but I guess that was too much for him. I remember being so upset that I carved "I'm Fat" in my stomach. It burned and stung like hell. When he saw it he got mad at me even more. I took summer school that year, but only weight training. He started it with me along with a couple of our other friends. At the end I was the only one that stuck it out, I held 2 school weight lifting records(bench press and calf press), I was able to run a mile in great time, and I did 500 crunches every day. I didn't hardly eat, and when we got into a fight I attributed it entirely to my weight. I would not eat and take Nyquil so i would pass out and have no desire to eat. My record for this was 14 days-I did eat 1 piece of bread in that 2 weeks and I drank water. I think my weight went down to 109#. he was proud of me.