Is it ok to snoop through your child's notes, etc?

Ask me fifteen years ago....

If my mom ever snooped on me I would never forgive her. I have installed a lock on my door that only I have the key to. That keeps my mom and brother out. It's none of their business what is in my room or my journals. It's my life-not theirs. It's not like I am getting into trouble or anything. I have never been in trouble with the police and I am getting good grades. It's not her business what I am doing.


Ask me three years ago....

I think moms that snoop on their kids are horrible. They are invading the child's rights. The child has a right to have their own privacy and outlet to express themselves. Journals are a person's most intimate and private thoughts. A parent doesn't have the right to go through it, it's just like invading their minds. Besides, most of the times kids will embellish the details!


Ask me now......

It is almost a necessity to do this. When you are raising a preteen or teen, no matter how good your relationship was or you believe it is now, you probably don't know HALF of the truth. To snoop through your child's things is not right, but as a parent you want to protect your child. If you feel like your child is hiding something, or has new friends you are unsure of, etc...you need to find out. Of course snooping is a last resort. It's important to talk to your child openly, and remind them they can always talk to you. Sure sometimes you might not want to hear what they have to say and it might make you angry, but they need to know you are the person that will always be there for them NO MATTER WHAT.
If you snoop on your child remember a few things:
1.Sometimes kids embellish their stories.
If they are writing that they were at Andy's house at 11:00 last night and you know FOR SURE they were at home because you saw them, it's not true so don't worry.
2.Whatever you find could be inadmissible evidence.
If you find a note that has swearing in, you can't necessarily bring it out and reprimand them for it. You can have a discussion about swearing and talk about why it is wrong and ask them if they or anyone they know does it. (Or you can just say you were cleaning and found the note.)
3.Last but most importantly...
snooping will forever change your relationship and you will see your child in a whole different way. You may find things that disappoint you so much, it will hurt to even look at your child. You will be uncovering their most intimate thoughts and ideas-good and bad. You will be seeing them as their friends do, the way they interact with other kids.

IN CONCLUSION!...
Do I encourage it? No not really. Do I wish I had never done it or don't do it? Yes sometimes. But unfortunately as a single mother with no "male disciplinarian" in her I life it is almost an undesired need. I am a good mother. I talk to the parents of her friends. I talk to her teachers and get involved in school activities. We eat dinner every single night at the table as a family. I set forth rules and expectations and follow up to ensure they are met. I tell my children I love them at LEAST 2x a day. I am open and I put my kids first before EVERYTHING,including myself. It is a terrifying world out there and to try to raise children to become good people you need to know what is going on. My daughter used to talk to me always, now if I ask more than 2 questions in a row she has a fit and is completely defensive. This is a way for me to "keep tabs" on her. Raising kids is hard and if your really thing about what it is you are doing it could be overwhelming and frightening. You are molding and creating this person and their future. Of course your child will develop on their own as well and grow into their own person, but things you do today can impact your child's life forever! SCARY STUFF