An Age Old Debate

I recently read a post on another blog about sex before marriage. The author says he thinks that some things need to be kept out of a relationship until marriage. It appears that he feels that break-ups are hard enough without throwing sex into the mix, and there needs to be a wave of enlightenment to society to change the mindset that sex outside of marriage is ok.

I feel that sex isn't something that can be judged or easily put into a package- 1.It's bad before marriage or 2.It's ok before marriage

It really isn't that cut and dry. Sex is extremely powerful;it can be POSITIVE powerful, or NEGATIVE powerful. There truly is a grey area when it comes to sex, and I don't feel it is right to simply make a statement, "It's not ok to have sex before marriage!" For an inexperienced teenage couple that have been together for a short time, yeah maybe it's not a good idea. For a mature couple that have had a long term commitment or are seriously considering more, I say yes. But who am I to say what these people can do? I am not their conscience, I am not their ruler. Things happen for a reason. I feel sex is something you learn from and adapt to and grow from. I don't just mean the physicality of it either, I mean the emotion of it all-the power it gives, or can take away. When a man and a woman give themselves to each other in the bond of marriage it should be because they have an ultimate connection, a complete cohesion, MIND/BODY/SOUL. I feel it is important for a couple to have sex before they make their final commitment of marriage to ensure they still have that same compatibility in their sex life. Sure, sometimes couples help each other "progress" in that area, but sometimes it drives two people away faster than any argument about finances or leaving the cap off the toothpaste ever could.
I know this is a bizarre example, but just look at Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey. (If you don't know who they are you need to pick up a magazine lately, ANY one will do-even the newspaper) She saved herself for marriage, he didn't. He experienced life and it got him to a place where he decided he was ready to make that ultimate commitment. She didn't, but decided that she was ready to "settle down" without experiencing life and without evolving herself from those experiences. Sex changes people. It can be good or bad, it can be with every new partner or even just your first time. She never changed, never evolved, and I feel she was curious. What else is out there? What did I miss? Am I REALLY this person that settled down? Did I begin a new chapter in my life before I ever even started writing the first chapter? She started going out A LOT without him. She started not wearing her wedding ring. She was linked to several men and had rumors about her cheating ways. He was reported at home, with their dog, and with his family. So she filed for divorce, and he didn't. As I said, weird off-the-wall testimony, but don't you agree the point is truly there? I have had relationships, not even marriage, that ended for that same reason. What if those were marriages? I could be a multi-time divorcee right now.
The author of that blog also points out that the giving of your emotional and spiritual self should not be given so freely. This I am in COMPLETE agreement with. There we go-the grey area. How do you know when you should/could give it away so to speak? When is it the "right time?" I don't feel that anyone can make that decision for anyone but themselves. If you are ready, you'll know. If you're not and still make that decision to have sex, well that will definitely be a learning experience. People can learn from studying, reading, taking tests, listening to lectures, but I don't feel you can TRULY learn until you experience things first hand. Did you ever get a new electronic device, a DVD player, a computer, a gaming system, a TIVO? Did you read the instruction manual? When you were done did you know what to do? Or, perhaps, did you need to try it a few times, work with it, excel through trial and error vs. reading the manual? And only then-did you truly understand it? RIGHT. I wish that half of the efforts for celibacy or no sex before marriage groups would be directed toward education to protect yourself during sex, std's, aids, and pregnancy. Kids and people in general will make their own decisions, but wouldn't it be nice that it is an educated one? That type of education isn't PROMOTING sex, but letting people know if that is what they choose to do, they need to do it safely. It's opening the lines of communication and preventing a lot of the trauma we fear that comes from premarital sex. It's promoting health. Please don't ignore, educate.

And you thought no one was reading your blog!