Roseanne is the best

I love the tv show Roseanne. I started watching it when I was a teenager. I loved the show because it was so real, it was unlike any other show on tv at the time. No REAL families were like Growing Pains or the Cosby Show! I was the same age as Becky at the time so I really identified with her and she was going through the same stuff I was. I thought my brother was more like Darlene, he was the same age as her. I think I stopped watching when I got a little older and worked or went out when it was on.
When I became pregnant with my youngest child, my boyfriend and I were having a lot of problems. At first the pregnancy revived our love for each other. We were both so loving to each other and he was so considerate of me. He quit smoking and found a new job to support us. He really seemed to be taking on more responsibilities around the house and even with my oldest daughter-he was more paternal toward her. Things were good, even with my work-which was completely demanding. Unfortunately this did not last long.
When I was about 5 or 6 months pregnant he started to revert back to old ways. He had made some "new friends" at his new job, which he regularly went out with on his days off, and eventually he started going to the bar with them after work.(He worked overnights too!) Things began changing between us drastically. He was less considerate of my condition, and now was the time I really needed him to be! He even stopped "trying" with my daughter, yes at times she would ignore him or whatever, but she had a lot of pent up animosity for him. He started giving me less and less of his paychecks and the burden of all of the expenses fell solely on me. I started losing a lot of sleep at night. I am an extremely analytical person. My mind is constantly thinking things over and running new ideas. I can't shut it off. I became severely depressed. I felt completely alone in the world and felt like I had no family or friends that I could turn to. I just tried to rejoice in my children and embrace my pregnancy-telling myself once she was born he would change. One night he didn't even come home-he said he was too drunk to drive. He had my car.(our only car at the time) He said he was staying with a coworker, a woman, that was "like 50 and super ugly." Yeah right.
Since I was awake I started watching Roseanne. I felt like (true or not) Roseanne was the only one there for me. It was on at 11:00pm, 11:30pm, 1:00am and 1:30am. I loved the family's interaction, and where I identified with Becky as a kid, I now identified with Roseanne as an adult. She seemed to be going through some similar things, but she still had a wonderful husband that loved her. He wasn't perfect and neither was their marriage or her life, but they had a good foundation. When push acme to shove they were in it together, and that is truly what I was missing in my life. After my daughter was born it didn't get any easier, but MUCH MUCH harder. My mom came to stay with us for two weeks. It wasn't enough for me! Len despised the idea and treated my mom so terribly-it really breaks my heart to think of it. The night before my mom left is the first night that Gabriella developed colic. This lasted the next 3 months of her life and I was a WALKING ZOMBIE! I even wrote on a calendar the amount of hrs straight in a day she would cry. Sometimes it was 12! I was nursing and the only time she would quiet would be when I was nursing her or in the middle of the night. I soon discovered Roseanne was on like 6 more times in a day. I started watching them in order and basically watched the entire series in sequential episodes, twice on my time off.
Len wasn't there for me when she had the colic unless I begged. He started drinking heavily again and I would write on the calendar when he would drink. He was drunk the entire month of March and even left me and his 3 week old baby to go to Windsor with his new friends for 3 days. I had had enough and told him to leave. He had a new place to stay that day and lived with a girl he worked with. He still came over to see us and eventually wormed his way back into the house. There is so much more to the story that I really don't even want to relive it anymore or even rehash it. To this day I am really battling all that happened between us and trying to cope with it. It has really scarred me and hurt me so much that I can't even think about a new relationship at this point. Bottom line-we are over, although he still tries to "win me back", at least physically, everytime he sees me. Despite the fact he has been with his new girlfriend for almost a year now. Despite the fact that he lives with her. All I know is that I still watch Roseanne every night at 11:00 and 11:30pm. It is an escape for me and a healing process for me. I know that when I am ready for it I will want to find a "Dan Conner" for me. Not someone that is perfect, but someone that is real, and funny, and loyal. A MAN and my protector, and will want to be there with me for the long haul.