I can't remember a New Year's eve that I spent with my mother. She always had a fancy party to go to or a boyfriend, we always stayed with babysitters. We banged pots and pans, watched the ball drop, it was cool. This was the third New Year's Eve I spent at home with my kids. Of course Gabriella was asleep, but Caitlyn really likes it. This year I bought hats and horns and tons of poppers. We watched the ball drop and I think I crashed about 12:35. It was nice and I am glad I could spend it with her, but this was only the 3rd New Year's that I can remember that I was single. Yeah, I know-poor me-but it is hard, harder than I thought. I was ok with the whole thing at first, I even talked to a friend about it and we agreed that New Year's is all drama! Sure, it starts out good-but usually at the end of the night there's arguing, fighting, something like that. I was ok with the staying home thing, and DEFINITELY the single thing, until I started thinking about "the kiss." That's what happens, right? At midnight when the ball drops, that's when you kiss that special someone. Sometimes that "someone" doesn't always end up to be "special", but that's still the way it goes. It was about 11:30 when I started feeling a huge emptiness-I had no special someone! Of course my daughter was there, and that's not what I'm talking about. I was alone. I am alone. Most of the time I don't think about it, but at that moment I was. Just knowing I was about to watch everyone making out on TV and everyone I know was with their someone and I was playing Spongebob Life-it really hurt. Now I don't want any dumbass comments about my daughters, and I should be grateful I have them blah blah blah-I am. If you write or think that you are totally missing my point.
In the late 90's I was single one year. I went to a party at my friend's house. There were a lot of couples there, but I had a blast. It wasn't like everyone was making out at midnight, and I may have kissed someone at that time, I don't remember, but I was enjoying myself and I didn't feel "alone."
Last year I was EXTREMELY DEPRESSED. I was going through a huge break-up that really didn't seem to have an end in sight, I was still in retail, and I was going to work my last official day on New Year's day-so I think I crashed at 12:01. The only other time I wasn't with my boyfriend on New Year's was 2003. I was 8 1/2 months pregnant and he didn't want me to go out. He was afraid something would happen to me and/or the baby so I stayed home. He still went out and stayed over his friends house. What a guy! I should've known then, there were a lot of those "I should've known" moments during our 5 yr relationship!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not out looking for someone new, I don't really think a boyfriend would be a great idea in my life right now! But, I guess that is just one of the moments we take for granted and don't really think about when we are in a relationship. Sometimes the person we are with on New Year's might not be the same person we are with the next New Year's-and that's ok. That's life. Just if you are with a special someone make sure you let them know how truly special they really are to you. On the flip side if you are in a relationship were you have "should've known" moments-SPEAK UP!! It's a new year, and only YOU have control of you destiny. Yeah-I'm talking to myself too! Don't worry about me- I have BIG PLANS for 2006 and I know exactly what I want! (Not really talking romance here) As I have said before, I am a planner. I have my plan all laid out-I just need to execute it. Does my plan involve ANY romance? I definitely hope so!! :)