Teenage Destruction part !

Cutting is an epidemic that affects thousands, maybe millions of teens all over the world. It is the act of self-inflicting pain to get a rush or attention by using a razor blade or even a knife to cut yourself. It is not widely known or talked about, and in some ways viewed as shameful. I view it as a cry for help, whether out loud or quietly to yourself....

I started cutting when I was 16, and stopped around age 19, even though I still get the desire today at 32. The reason I started might have been for attention in the beginning, put that didn't last long. When I cut myself, as the slice went threw my skin I felt that all the stress-pain-misery-emptiness gushed out of me along with the blood. As I would do it, I was able to let go of everything and just NOT THINK. I can compare it to the feeling of being wasted-at the time it was comforting. Once I would be done and a little time went by, I would experience soreness, numbness, and have the worry of infection. Then I had to wear long sleeves-IN FLORIDA-and try to hide it from my mom, teachers, and even friends.
WHAT?? You say! Yes- only a small amount of people know that I did this. Sixteenyears later, if you look closely at the interior of my forearm, you can STILL see the traces of scars. In retrospect I feel I grew up too fast and was too immature to deal with the very mature lifestyle I lead, and this caused extra stress. I had constant migraines as a kid and teen, and was diagnosed with a gastic disorder on several occassions. This was a direct result of worry and pressure.
I stopped at the age of 19, right around the age I became pregnant. I truly feel that my daughter saved my life on so many levels-she is amazing and doesn't even know why. I was in a very mature, very destructive relationship at a very young age. It began at age 15, and really never completely ended I don't think. It began like a movie-romantic, sweet-it gives me butterflies and smiles to think about it. But over the years it turned into something so dark and scary.
I can remember when our relatinship changed. I had several "guy" friends-I always did. Sometimes it truly was friendships- both sided. Sometimes it became a 1-sided friendship and something else on the other end. Anyways-I had a group of friends that I hung out with all the time. I was always the only girl, even if they had girlfriends. My friend Anthony had a boat- and I often went out on it with them, way before my boyfriend and I got together. I would wear my bikini-it was a BOAT!! Once I told my boyfriend that I had gone on the boat that day and he freaked. He asked me what I was wearing-I told him. He smacked me with an open hand so hard that it busted my lip open. I cried and bled all over. I tried to leave but he wouldn't let me. He held me like a baby and apologized over and over and quieted me down. This was not only at his house with his parents home, but wouldn't be the last time he abused me....