Jimmy

I have three brothers, and I am the oldest sibling. Two of my brothers are twins, they are 15 years younger than me. My other brother is 2 1/2 yrs younger than me. They are all 1500 miles away from me, and are not big on "keeping in touch." I get it with the twins, because they are now 16 and really "too cool" for their older sis. But Jimmy...that is a different story.
Jimmy and I grew up in a single parent household. My mom and dad divorced when I was like 4 or something crazy, so my mom raised us. We moved CONSTANTLY! Plus my mom had a booming career so she worked a lot of hours. At times booming did not = big money, so our financial situation was pretty tight. All those things together added up to Jimmy and I being alone a lot and kinda fending for ourselves. Also, my mother went out on dates a lot or out with friends on the weekend, so sometimes Jimmy and I were all we had to rely on. DON'T GET ME WRONG-this is not about my mother or her parenting. I love her very much and am not saying she was a bad mom or anything. I am the person today because of my past, and I wouldn't change a thing! I just wanted to get the point across that Jimmy and I were close.
Sure we had our fights. One time I tape recorded myself singing Olivia Newton John's record "Let's Get Physical" -the whole thing- Jimmy stole the tape and played it for all his friends. One time we got into a fist fight and I took a popsicle stick and scraped it down his spine. Kids would make fun of my glasses and he would join in. Kids would make fun of him for not brushing his teeth and I would join in. But we were always the constant in each other's non-stable lives. We went through a lot of shit in our lives. My brother is so complex, he can be super emotional, or have absolutely no emotion. Sometimes he is so considerate, and others he is the biggest prick. I remember when we were teenagers, he was so depressing sometimes. He fell for this girl and she completely screwed him over and all he did was cry and listen to "Nothing compares to you, " by Sinead O'Connor. I remember these kids picking on him and trying to fight him. I freaked out and stood in front of him and tried to fight them. They left and then he was so mad at me he told me off and then didn't talk to me for a week. He grew up and became such a caring guy. He was a wonderful husband to his wife, and a great dad to his kids. He was a very thoughtful uncle to my daughter. We got along better than ever in our adult life and hung out regularly. He was there for me when I needed him and vice versa. We only lived a couple blocks from each other. For some reason one summer his wife went to stay the summer with her parents in a different state. She took the kids and never returned, she made a new life for them down there. I guess she couldn't stand to be away from her parents since they moved there a few months earlier. Jimmy wouldn't move there. He tried to stay here and started a "bachelor" life. He was a very hard worker too and worked a lot of hours. Unfortunately, all the men in my family have extreme back problems, and Jimmy inherited this. At the age of 18, Jimmy developed arthritis in his back. It basically cripples him and the doctors have no solution for the pain but to prescribe pain pills.
I had a feeling Jimmy was addicted to pain pills about 8 years ago. Plus, knowing our past and his experiences with alcohol and drugs, it was almost inevitable. Fast forward to present. Jimmy and his wife went through a very messy divorce, but now get along better than ever. Jimmy had moved back to Florida, then to S. Carolina, now back to Fl. He has been arrested for selling Oxycotin. His profession has been a window washer, and it takes a lot of skill and strength. His back has become so painful he cannot work. I KNOW the reason he was selling was to pay for his own pills, and also send money for his kids. But it was enough for a felony charge and now he had to retain a lawyer for $5,000-probably more than he made selling the drugs! The lawyer said the state kept procrastinating, and that meant they had no case. They were gonna try to strike a deal or something and it looked like there would be a minimal penalty. Jimmy planned to move back to S. Carolina with his ex and children until he could afford his own place. He also arranged counseling, along with drug counseling. THAT WAS THE PLAN. Friday I got some terrible news. My mother said the lawyer called her and told her there is now some damaging evidence that was disclosed. They have audio of my brother now. This means that he will most likely be convicted and do 3 YEARS IN PRISON!!! My mother is beside herself because Jimmy will not even contact her or return her calls. Plus it is near impossible to track him down. By the way, I myself haven't spoken to him since June, and before that it was April. I am literally sick to my stomach and I am terrified to think about what he may do to himself. He gets into bouts of depression and vanishes. The phone will ring at an odd times and I pray it's not a tragic call about him. I really tried to not think about all this on the weekend because of my daughter's birthday. But now everything has settled down and it's sinking in. The jury trial isn't until November and I guess the lawyer is trying to plea bargain still, but I am so worried. I just wish I could talk to him. I keep trying to figure out how I could go to Florida and track him down, but it's just not possible right now. I would love even an e-mail, just to know he's safe. I love my brother(S) very very much!!!!