12 Years Ago Today...

I was 19, 9months + pregnant, and living with Leith and his family. My twin brothers who were now 4, had chicken pox. I never had them and didn't want to subject myself or my baby (who was now 4 days late) to it!!
I had a doctor's appointment for a "non-stress" test to check on my baby's health. Leith had a meeting for the same time-1:00. He dropped me off at the hospital and my friend Christina was with me. My test was vigorous, and they kept having me do different things and really didn't explain what was going on. Leith got back from his meeting and they wouldn't let him or Christina in to see me. They had me hooked up to machines and even had me play a radio with Mexican music up to my stomach to stimulate the baby. They finally let me know that I was in labor and with every contraction the baby's heart rate dropped. First of all, I was terrified! Secondly, I didn't even FEEL any contractions! I told Leith what was going on, then they decided I had to have an emergency c-section, this was at about 4:00 or 4:30. They told me what would happen, but told me I would be put to sleep so Leith could not come in with me. It was all quick. They ran in the room, removed all my jewelry, shaved my stomach, gave me an iv and (gross-sorry) a catheter. My mom wasn't even notified, but I think I did call my grandpa. I guess Leith called his family. I was so scared I was trembling uncontrollably. They put me on a girney and raced me down the hall. We went into the operating room where there were already 10 people waiting on us. The anesthesiologist asked me if I wanted an epideral or to be put to sleep. I was like--what??? I said, just put me to sleep!! He told me to swallow a tube and I remember gagging........
I had this dream, it was really foggy. These two women were at the park on a really sunny day. They were just sitting on the bench and talking about their lives. They were laughing and joking, and then...I realized that it wasn't a dream. I was in the recovery room and the nurses were taking care of me and watching over me. The room was extremely bright, and I was awake. My baby was born at 4:50pm, and I was totally sore!! They slung me onto another girney and pushed me down the hall. They brought me in a room where there was a ton of people. Oh, I knew these people. Leith, his mom and dad, his sisters, Christina, and some of my friends. I just kinda scrunched my face and looked at everyone and then the nurse kinda slung this baby onto me. She had bright orange hair that stuck up everywhere and a bright red face. She was chubby and had a dark red spot on her forehead. She was crying, and they said, "Here's your baby!!" I thought...what??!!
I was in the hospital for 5 days, my mom came a few hours after she was born, my grandparents came, Leith's grandma came, coworkers, more friends, they all came to see little Caitlyn. Leith brought me roses, and there were tons of flowers and balloons. I was totally bombed out of my mind. I had morphine in my iv and when they injected it, I could feel it flow through my veins. Take your fingertips and gently slide them up your arm-that's what it felt like! She was a good baby and I had a private room. I never wanted her to go into the nursery so she just stayed with me 24 hrs a day. The only time she left my sight was when they weighed her. I got to know the nurses and schedule pretty well, at least until nighttime. At about 2am on the first night, a nurse came in and said she had to weigh Caitlyn. I had never seen her before but I gave her to the nurse and she took her, I, again, was pretty bombed. It took about 1 second after the door shut before I felt it, the sheer terror. I freaked and felt helpless, what had I done? Would I see her again? Who was that? Could I even remember what the "nurse" looked like? I was helpless because I still couldn't get up or walk. It felt like hours and I strained to reach the pull cord for the nurse. I was about to scream "Help! Help! Someone stole my baby!!!", when all of the sudden the door swung open. "Well she is some great eater! She has gained 2 ounces!" My baby was safe in my arms and I had panicked for nothing! I realized at that moment that my life had changed forever, and I would never again be "me", but I would be a mother. I felt like I had a purpose and my life had a whole new meaning!